I can do this....... I have told myself this phrase throughout my life over a million times. Convincing myself of my own worth has been a recurrent theme in my life as the years have danced around me in a blur. The situation and scenery for my facade shifts but my role in this ridiculous play has remained constant. Until now.
No more will I peddle out my self respect to the first one to throw a price at me only to have a buyer. There will not be another time that I will soothe my soul against the blistering cold shoulder of someone too insecure to see what an incredible person lies within my skin.
Never again will I give so much of myself away that I am left standing in an expanse so wide my sight can not bridge the diameter, shivering as the winds of my former self rip through me.
'Cause I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me! :-P
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
February 17th, 1980
Days, weeks, months of wonder all behind me as I nervously step into the room. We'd never met though this small detail hadn't kept you from invading my space. Truth be told I didn't want to meet you at all. The smiles spread through the room as I made my way to you, everyone collectively anticipating some Norman Rockwell-esque moment. Next to my, yes MY, mother I sat as she lowered a wriggling lump of blankets towards me. Raising as far as my little body would allow I curiously peered over the edge of all the fluff and there you were.
Anything I knew of love and possession before that moment faded as a strange and wonderful feeling swept over me. This was not my parent's second child. This was not another granddaughter for my grandparents. Not a cousin, not a playmate. In that moment everything else ceased to be. You were my sister and that is all that mattered.
On this cold, blustery day in February I fell in love for the very first time. I knew then, and still know today, there will never be anyone in the whole wide world that could come close to filling the space in my heart that belongs to you. I knew there would never be anyone alive that would be quicker to jump to your defense than I..... though some may feel their loyalty to you rivals mine, let me assure you - that have no idea.
Time and circumstance have brought us here this day in February, twenty-eight years after I vowed I would take care you because you were "my baby". On this, the day of your birth, I celebrate. I celebrate all of the things you were, all of the things you are and all of the things you are yet to be. Of all the gifts that are exchanged in this celebration I have received the most precious. I have been given you as my sister.
I love you, Code.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Anything I knew of love and possession before that moment faded as a strange and wonderful feeling swept over me. This was not my parent's second child. This was not another granddaughter for my grandparents. Not a cousin, not a playmate. In that moment everything else ceased to be. You were my sister and that is all that mattered.
On this cold, blustery day in February I fell in love for the very first time. I knew then, and still know today, there will never be anyone in the whole wide world that could come close to filling the space in my heart that belongs to you. I knew there would never be anyone alive that would be quicker to jump to your defense than I..... though some may feel their loyalty to you rivals mine, let me assure you - that have no idea.
Time and circumstance have brought us here this day in February, twenty-eight years after I vowed I would take care you because you were "my baby". On this, the day of your birth, I celebrate. I celebrate all of the things you were, all of the things you are and all of the things you are yet to be. Of all the gifts that are exchanged in this celebration I have received the most precious. I have been given you as my sister.
I love you, Code.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Monday, February 11, 2008
Surrender
Funny, isn't it?
How one fleeting moment can turn your world upside down. Wipe clean the slate of what you thought you knew of love, heal hurts of the past and renew your faith in finding your soulmate.
Amazing, isn't it?
That with nothing more than your recognition of your counterpart in another everything you deemed unbearable yesterday becomes a mere irritation today. The air smells sweeter, your breaths are a little deeper, your every thought preoccupied with connecting once again with something so blindingly beautiful. Your motivation for detested tasks peaks if for no other reason than to be done with them so that you may spend every available moment gazing into those eyes, searching the depths for a reflection of your heart's desire.
Overwhelming, isn't it?
How quickly you can be filled to the brim, emotions tumbling forth, your heart speaking before your brain has a chance to filter a single word, thought or feeling. Being so painfully exposed and reveling in every single second of it, knowing soft, safe hands wait to catch you as you fall.
Beautiful, isn't it?
As you plod through your day the vague scent of perfection wafts through you from unknown origins and it stops you in your tracks. In that moment you are transported back to the last time that scent was on your skin. The heat, the desire, the unabashed surrender. All this with the tiniest sniff of your lover's scent. You can remember explicitly the taste, the feel and the heat of your lover's body but can't quite seem to find words descriptive or lovely enough to make them out to anyone but you.
Breathtaking, isn't it?
How willing you become to dive head first into the shallows with no regard for your own safety whatsoever. Even more breathtaking is the thought that someone could possibly experience you in this way as well. Their only desire, your happiness. Their only thought, when next you shall meet. Utterly humbling that they can, they will and they do.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
How one fleeting moment can turn your world upside down. Wipe clean the slate of what you thought you knew of love, heal hurts of the past and renew your faith in finding your soulmate.
Amazing, isn't it?
That with nothing more than your recognition of your counterpart in another everything you deemed unbearable yesterday becomes a mere irritation today. The air smells sweeter, your breaths are a little deeper, your every thought preoccupied with connecting once again with something so blindingly beautiful. Your motivation for detested tasks peaks if for no other reason than to be done with them so that you may spend every available moment gazing into those eyes, searching the depths for a reflection of your heart's desire.
Overwhelming, isn't it?
How quickly you can be filled to the brim, emotions tumbling forth, your heart speaking before your brain has a chance to filter a single word, thought or feeling. Being so painfully exposed and reveling in every single second of it, knowing soft, safe hands wait to catch you as you fall.
Beautiful, isn't it?
As you plod through your day the vague scent of perfection wafts through you from unknown origins and it stops you in your tracks. In that moment you are transported back to the last time that scent was on your skin. The heat, the desire, the unabashed surrender. All this with the tiniest sniff of your lover's scent. You can remember explicitly the taste, the feel and the heat of your lover's body but can't quite seem to find words descriptive or lovely enough to make them out to anyone but you.
Breathtaking, isn't it?
How willing you become to dive head first into the shallows with no regard for your own safety whatsoever. Even more breathtaking is the thought that someone could possibly experience you in this way as well. Their only desire, your happiness. Their only thought, when next you shall meet. Utterly humbling that they can, they will and they do.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)