I have about a million things I need to be doing right now. I am far more content, however, to sit in front of this screen and tell you about them, rather than motivating myself to complete or even start any of these tasks. So, for laziness's sake, here is my "To Do" list.
1. Finish my mom's scrapbook. The scrapbook that was supposed to be her Mothers Day present.
2. Go through all of the boy's clothes and remove all the items that no longer fit or that are the wrong season. Seeing as there are clothes in the little one's closet that are a size 6-9 months and he is 21 months, I should probably get a move on that.
3. Go through my closet and get rid of everything I no longer wear. Also get rid of everything that no longer fits, due to the loosing of a little weight. (weight is another blog post all together..... maybe I should save those clothes......)
4. Paint the living room. A bittersweet task. There is a little area of the wall beside the couch about two feet up from the baseboard that my oldest "decorated" with crayons when he was three years old. I have not been able to bring myself to cover up his crayola gift to me. He was so proud of himself. He ran into the kitchen and said "Mommy!!!! I made a purdy wayne-bow mess!!" Damn, he's cute.
5. Clean the interior of my car. Ugh. I could feed an underdeveloped nation with the amount of cheerios, cracker and cookie crumbs and other random snack remnants that reside in the seats and floorboard of my car.
6. Laundry. I despise this task so much that I won't even dignify it with any more of my key strokes.
7. Clean out the refrigerator. I ask far too much of that little yellow box of baking soda. However, Gladware ROCKS! "When was this put in the fridge?? Oh, that long ago?" *KERPLUNK* Straight into the trash it goes along with any guilt I may have felt previously for throwing away an entire Tupperware container. Open it and scrub it out??? Are you f'ing kidding me??
8. Scrub the kitchen floor. My kitchen flooring is the bane of my existence. It's white. Let me say that again... WHITE!!! I have two boys under 7 years old and a husband that can out-mess them both. I say again... WHITE!! Not only does EVERY single, tiny ANYTHING show up on this floor, it has a bazillion teeny little scratches in it due to heavy wheelchair traffic. Our driveway is not paved and the wiping of feet when coming inside must not be a trait that the males in this house can grasp....... so, the scratches in the floor trap every particle of dust and/or dirt that hitched a ride in on the soles of my family. All of that adds up to me having to scrub this god forsaken floor on my hands and knees with a scrub brush! It's white, ya know?
9. Taxes...... I found out recently that several of the years I assumed I was filing jointly with my husband, that did not happen. I now have 3 years of missing tax returns. Lucky girl, that's me, lucky, lucky girl.
10. Finalize plans for my sister's baby shower. I need to order balloons, flowers and food. Oh, and it's this weekend. A tiny little jolt of panic just shot through me.
Must.....end....post.....
until next time....
be kind,
me
Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Where has the time gone......
Oh, wow, I didn't even realize it had been that long since my last post! There has been far too much going on for my liking, lately. I suppose the biggest of those happenings involves me and my clumsy ass.
About two months ago I fell down the stairs at my sister's house. For this, I was awarded my very first ambulance ride. In the MOST sarcastic tone possible, I say.... yippee. I was pretty banged up but thought that everything was going to be fine. HA! that is what I get for lowering my wall of cynicism :-P
Move forward to about 2 weeks ago. I was standing in the living room. I raised my arms up over my head and reached my hands towards the ceiling. The stretch felt good, so I leaned back even further, arching my back. Apparently, my back was pissed and was finally going to let me know about it. As I leaned into the stretch, a HORRIBLE, sharp, shooting pain started between my spine and left shoulder blade. It immediately radiated up the left side of my spine and neck, across the top of my shoulder and around the whole left shoulder blade. The pain was intense enough that I became physically ill. I couldn't move my head AT ALL. So, it was off to the urgent care.
Steroids, pain meds, x-rays and a scheduled MRI.
The MRI showed that I have two, count 'em TWO, herniated discs in the cervical region of my spine (right in between my shoulder blades) And, no surprise to me, the discs are bulging to the left, pressing on the nerves that go up my back/neck, across my shoulder and around my shoulder blade.
It seems as if way too many years spent standing a weird angles cutting hair has caused some degeneration of those discs. Couple that with the fall and they had just had enough. Now that was odd to me because it was my LOWER back that hurt so badly when I fell....... Not to worry we will hear from this region soon enough.
I went through the week long course of steroids and pain meds for the cervical discs and was still unable to turn my head all the way to the left, and holding the phone on that side of my head - FORGET IT!! Honestly, how do they expect me to shift gears and talk now??
So the doctor calls to check on my progress. I tell him of my phone holding plights and that now, oddly enough, it was my lower back/sciatic nerve on the RIGHT side that was speaking up. I have had lower back/sciatic nerve issues (on the LEFT side) for a few years, so it surprised me that this pain was on the right side and it was far more intense than the left had ever been. He said he wanted to see me the next morning........
More steroids, more pain meds, more x-rays and another MRI scheduled.....
This go around has gone no better than the first. I got the results from MRI number two and it showed that I have an area of degeneration (which is what had been causing the back issues I had previously) AND (lucky me) yet another herniated disc in the (surprise) sciatic region. *sigh*
So, to wrap up my rant on feeling like an eighty year old, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon on the 13th of June. Again..... yippee.
until next time....
be kind,
me
About two months ago I fell down the stairs at my sister's house. For this, I was awarded my very first ambulance ride. In the MOST sarcastic tone possible, I say.... yippee. I was pretty banged up but thought that everything was going to be fine. HA! that is what I get for lowering my wall of cynicism :-P
Move forward to about 2 weeks ago. I was standing in the living room. I raised my arms up over my head and reached my hands towards the ceiling. The stretch felt good, so I leaned back even further, arching my back. Apparently, my back was pissed and was finally going to let me know about it. As I leaned into the stretch, a HORRIBLE, sharp, shooting pain started between my spine and left shoulder blade. It immediately radiated up the left side of my spine and neck, across the top of my shoulder and around the whole left shoulder blade. The pain was intense enough that I became physically ill. I couldn't move my head AT ALL. So, it was off to the urgent care.
Steroids, pain meds, x-rays and a scheduled MRI.
The MRI showed that I have two, count 'em TWO, herniated discs in the cervical region of my spine (right in between my shoulder blades) And, no surprise to me, the discs are bulging to the left, pressing on the nerves that go up my back/neck, across my shoulder and around my shoulder blade.
It seems as if way too many years spent standing a weird angles cutting hair has caused some degeneration of those discs. Couple that with the fall and they had just had enough. Now that was odd to me because it was my LOWER back that hurt so badly when I fell....... Not to worry we will hear from this region soon enough.
I went through the week long course of steroids and pain meds for the cervical discs and was still unable to turn my head all the way to the left, and holding the phone on that side of my head - FORGET IT!! Honestly, how do they expect me to shift gears and talk now??
So the doctor calls to check on my progress. I tell him of my phone holding plights and that now, oddly enough, it was my lower back/sciatic nerve on the RIGHT side that was speaking up. I have had lower back/sciatic nerve issues (on the LEFT side) for a few years, so it surprised me that this pain was on the right side and it was far more intense than the left had ever been. He said he wanted to see me the next morning........
More steroids, more pain meds, more x-rays and another MRI scheduled.....
This go around has gone no better than the first. I got the results from MRI number two and it showed that I have an area of degeneration (which is what had been causing the back issues I had previously) AND (lucky me) yet another herniated disc in the (surprise) sciatic region. *sigh*
So, to wrap up my rant on feeling like an eighty year old, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon on the 13th of June. Again..... yippee.
until next time....
be kind,
me
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Who Knew?!?!?!
I saw this on a friend's blog and had to try it! Hope you don't mind me using your idea, Eric!
until next time....
be kind,
me
until next time....
be kind,
me
Monday, May 7, 2007
The Meeting
I met her years ago. She was a girl in her teens, but wise beyond her years. I was terrified when we drove up to the house. Would she like me? Would she tell her brother that he could do FAR better than me? Questions and self doubt filled me as we made our way up the back steps to the door. My heart was racing. He knocked. I heard the shuffle of feet then the knob began to turn. As the door opened we were greeted by a thin girl with deep eyes. Years of struggles no one her age should have to endure were hidden in those eyes.
All four of us made our way robotically through our first greeting, me, my fiance, my future sister in law and her future husband. I couldn't gauge what she thought of me. She seemed preoccupied. I didn't dare ask if there was anything wrong. She didn't seem to be the type of person that opens up quickly, especially to what equaled a perfect stranger. Knowing, through her brother, the hardships faced by her family I could only imagine the obstacle that she was trying to overcome at that moment.
Our meeting was brief. We had taken our journey north to retrieve some of my fiance's belongings. We stuffed everything we could into my car, which wasn't much considering we were trying to pack a lifetime of things into the back of a Camaro.
I honestly can't remember now if we stayed and visited for a day or so or just long enough to gather the bits and pieces of the life my fiance led before moving across the country to meet me. I wondered if she resented me for being so far away with her brother.
Then it happened. It was an innocent moment happy couples share every day but under the circumstances was taboo. I was sitting in the living room riffling through some old photo albums of family pictures. My fiance had just went outside to take yet another load of stuff to the car. She had held the door open for him as he struggled with what should have been two trips worth of items. She was still standing in the doorway. Her boyfriend came up behind her and slid his arms underneath hers to embrace her. As he pulled her close, his hands went from her sides to her stomach, where they came to rest just underneath her belly button and ended by patting her nonexistent belly.
I looked down as quickly as I could, not wanting her to know that I had witnessed what had happened. She quickly broke free from his embrace, pushing his arms away from her.
I then understood the coolness in her mannerisms, the hardness and strength I felt of the wall surrounding her. I had mistaken the lack of emotion I was getting from her to be a general sense of indifference. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was scared.
Scared to tell her brother. Scared of where this path would lead her. Scared that she had no control over the events that were to unfold in her life.
I wanted so to reach out to her but at that moment I knew that her privacy and sense of control over what was happening to her were far more beneficial than any solace I could offer. So, I bit my tongue. Not even to her brother did I mutter a word. She would tell him when she was ready. It wasn't my place, anyways.
Our trip was uneventful, save the revelation I made on the living room floor. A few weeks past and she called to tell us that she was, indeed going to grace us with a beautiful niece or nephew. I feigned surprise and wondered if she knew I had seen the all telling embrace. I never asked.
We have only seen each other a few times since then as far too many years have slipped by. The lack of communication is my fault. She has always been great about sending pictures, cards and letters. A concept that I have yet to grasp.
I think of her daily, as the faces of my beautiful nieces and nephew greet me from the refrigerator door. I wonder if one day they will know all their mommy has gone through in her life and just how strong of a person she really is. I hope that they one day see the gravity of the decisions that she has faced and risen to the challenge of each of them with determination and might.
More so than her children, I hope that she realizes the strengths that she possesses. I hope that she sees how very beautiful she is. I hope she knows her worth and that even though we don't talk NEARLY enough I value her as a friend. Lastly I hope that, no matter the consequences, she goes after what truly makes her happy.
Go for it, you deserve it.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
All four of us made our way robotically through our first greeting, me, my fiance, my future sister in law and her future husband. I couldn't gauge what she thought of me. She seemed preoccupied. I didn't dare ask if there was anything wrong. She didn't seem to be the type of person that opens up quickly, especially to what equaled a perfect stranger. Knowing, through her brother, the hardships faced by her family I could only imagine the obstacle that she was trying to overcome at that moment.
Our meeting was brief. We had taken our journey north to retrieve some of my fiance's belongings. We stuffed everything we could into my car, which wasn't much considering we were trying to pack a lifetime of things into the back of a Camaro.
I honestly can't remember now if we stayed and visited for a day or so or just long enough to gather the bits and pieces of the life my fiance led before moving across the country to meet me. I wondered if she resented me for being so far away with her brother.
Then it happened. It was an innocent moment happy couples share every day but under the circumstances was taboo. I was sitting in the living room riffling through some old photo albums of family pictures. My fiance had just went outside to take yet another load of stuff to the car. She had held the door open for him as he struggled with what should have been two trips worth of items. She was still standing in the doorway. Her boyfriend came up behind her and slid his arms underneath hers to embrace her. As he pulled her close, his hands went from her sides to her stomach, where they came to rest just underneath her belly button and ended by patting her nonexistent belly.
I looked down as quickly as I could, not wanting her to know that I had witnessed what had happened. She quickly broke free from his embrace, pushing his arms away from her.
I then understood the coolness in her mannerisms, the hardness and strength I felt of the wall surrounding her. I had mistaken the lack of emotion I was getting from her to be a general sense of indifference. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was scared.
Scared to tell her brother. Scared of where this path would lead her. Scared that she had no control over the events that were to unfold in her life.
I wanted so to reach out to her but at that moment I knew that her privacy and sense of control over what was happening to her were far more beneficial than any solace I could offer. So, I bit my tongue. Not even to her brother did I mutter a word. She would tell him when she was ready. It wasn't my place, anyways.
Our trip was uneventful, save the revelation I made on the living room floor. A few weeks past and she called to tell us that she was, indeed going to grace us with a beautiful niece or nephew. I feigned surprise and wondered if she knew I had seen the all telling embrace. I never asked.
We have only seen each other a few times since then as far too many years have slipped by. The lack of communication is my fault. She has always been great about sending pictures, cards and letters. A concept that I have yet to grasp.
I think of her daily, as the faces of my beautiful nieces and nephew greet me from the refrigerator door. I wonder if one day they will know all their mommy has gone through in her life and just how strong of a person she really is. I hope that they one day see the gravity of the decisions that she has faced and risen to the challenge of each of them with determination and might.
More so than her children, I hope that she realizes the strengths that she possesses. I hope that she sees how very beautiful she is. I hope she knows her worth and that even though we don't talk NEARLY enough I value her as a friend. Lastly I hope that, no matter the consequences, she goes after what truly makes her happy.
Go for it, you deserve it.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Title - Revealed
Someone recently asked me about the title of my blog. I suppose I should have devoted my first post to this subject, rather than a meaningless "here is my blog" post. Oh well, it is a learning process. So, here ya go.........
The Reluctant Butterfly
I was prompted to start a blog, by a friend and fellow blog owner, a few months ago. Having always kept a journal of some sort I thought that it would be an interesting adventure and peculiar marriage of my love of the art of language and my new found addiction to the Internet. (OK, so my Internet addiction is NOT so new found..... that is neither here, nor there)
So, down I sat, with a ton of ideas and a burst of creative energy. I was thrilled when I logged on to create my blog. I already had a few items near completion (in my head, of course) and couldn't wait to get started. One problem..... I had to come up with something to call said blog. I drew a blank. I toyed around with several things for a while but none of them really seemed to fit or to express where I was in my life and the contents held behind that title.
I kept coming back to the symbolism of the butterfly. Most notably known as a symbol for change, the butterfly seemed to represent most accurately the ideas and feelings that I wanted to convey.
I have come to realize that I have a difficult time with change and transitions, no matter what they are. It can be something as simple as changing toothpastes (I know I like this one, so why would I want to change???) to something immeasurably difficult, such as a change in relationships ( Yes, things aren't the way they should be but it will get better.... right?????). It's not that I don't like change, just the opposite actually. I crave it. The monotony of day to day life is excruciating for me most of the time. I long to break away from the routine and be released from my domestic shackles. Or do I? If I truly wanted change, it is there for the taking, and yet I hesitate. Exhaustively weighing the options, trying to take into account how this change effects EVERYBODY, not just me.
It is inevitable that there will be change. Physical, emotional and psychological change. It is the way of things. I must accept this truth, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. It doesn't mean that I can't put up a fight somewhere along the way. But, like it or not, we all grow and become different people; things change and present new situations, both good and bad.
One never knows just where the wind will take them. I do know now though, it is worlds easier to fly than to crawl. Hence, my title.
until next time....
be kind,
me
I was prompted to start a blog, by a friend and fellow blog owner, a few months ago. Having always kept a journal of some sort I thought that it would be an interesting adventure and peculiar marriage of my love of the art of language and my new found addiction to the Internet. (OK, so my Internet addiction is NOT so new found..... that is neither here, nor there)
So, down I sat, with a ton of ideas and a burst of creative energy. I was thrilled when I logged on to create my blog. I already had a few items near completion (in my head, of course) and couldn't wait to get started. One problem..... I had to come up with something to call said blog. I drew a blank. I toyed around with several things for a while but none of them really seemed to fit or to express where I was in my life and the contents held behind that title.
I kept coming back to the symbolism of the butterfly. Most notably known as a symbol for change, the butterfly seemed to represent most accurately the ideas and feelings that I wanted to convey.
I have come to realize that I have a difficult time with change and transitions, no matter what they are. It can be something as simple as changing toothpastes (I know I like this one, so why would I want to change???) to something immeasurably difficult, such as a change in relationships ( Yes, things aren't the way they should be but it will get better.... right?????). It's not that I don't like change, just the opposite actually. I crave it. The monotony of day to day life is excruciating for me most of the time. I long to break away from the routine and be released from my domestic shackles. Or do I? If I truly wanted change, it is there for the taking, and yet I hesitate. Exhaustively weighing the options, trying to take into account how this change effects EVERYBODY, not just me.
It is inevitable that there will be change. Physical, emotional and psychological change. It is the way of things. I must accept this truth, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. It doesn't mean that I can't put up a fight somewhere along the way. But, like it or not, we all grow and become different people; things change and present new situations, both good and bad.
One never knows just where the wind will take them. I do know now though, it is worlds easier to fly than to crawl. Hence, my title.
until next time....
be kind,
me
Tell Me
Tell me
Tell me that you think of me
That from time to time
the thought of me
almost makes you smile
Tell me
Tell me that you miss me
That maybe for one second
you wish, however fleetingly
to hear my voice
Tell me
Tell me that you remember
Once upon a time
not so long ago
there was an always
Tell me
Tell me
I wrote this some time ago, but never got around to posting it. Not sure I really want to now, either.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Tell me that you think of me
That from time to time
the thought of me
almost makes you smile
Tell me
Tell me that you miss me
That maybe for one second
you wish, however fleetingly
to hear my voice
Tell me
Tell me that you remember
Once upon a time
not so long ago
there was an always
Tell me
Tell me
I wrote this some time ago, but never got around to posting it. Not sure I really want to now, either.
until next time.....
be kind,
me
Writers Block
It sucks.
I have about a mazillion things in my head BUT none of them are making it to my keyboard. Well, that isn't entirely true. So far there are seven, yes seven, unfinished posts that I have saved as drafts. There is also one post that now resides in digital oblivion due to my stupidity. (yes of course I want to close this page, why do you ask? OH! I deleted my post!!! THAT is why it asked......) Hopefully whatever I come up with will be worth the wait. We shall see.....
until next time....
be kind,
me
argh
I have about a mazillion things in my head BUT none of them are making it to my keyboard. Well, that isn't entirely true. So far there are seven, yes seven, unfinished posts that I have saved as drafts. There is also one post that now resides in digital oblivion due to my stupidity. (yes of course I want to close this page, why do you ask? OH! I deleted my post!!! THAT is why it asked......) Hopefully whatever I come up with will be worth the wait. We shall see.....
until next time....
be kind,
me
argh
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