The Meeting

I met her years ago. She was a girl in her teens, but wise beyond her years. I was terrified when we drove up to the house. Would she like me? Would she tell her brother that he could do FAR better than me? Questions and self doubt filled me as we made our way up the back steps to the door. My heart was racing. He knocked. I heard the shuffle of feet then the knob began to turn. As the door opened we were greeted by a thin girl with deep eyes. Years of struggles no one her age should have to endure were hidden in those eyes.
All four of us made our way robotically through our first greeting, me, my fiance, my future sister in law and her future husband. I couldn't gauge what she thought of me. She seemed preoccupied. I didn't dare ask if there was anything wrong. She didn't seem to be the type of person that opens up quickly, especially to what equaled a perfect stranger. Knowing, through her brother, the hardships faced by her family I could only imagine the obstacle that she was trying to overcome at that moment.
Our meeting was brief. We had taken our journey north to retrieve some of my fiance's belongings. We stuffed everything we could into my car, which wasn't much considering we were trying to pack a lifetime of things into the back of a Camaro.
I honestly can't remember now if we stayed and visited for a day or so or just long enough to gather the bits and pieces of the life my fiance led before moving across the country to meet me. I wondered if she resented me for being so far away with her brother.
Then it happened. It was an innocent moment happy couples share every day but under the circumstances was taboo. I was sitting in the living room riffling through some old photo albums of family pictures. My fiance had just went outside to take yet another load of stuff to the car. She had held the door open for him as he struggled with what should have been two trips worth of items. She was still standing in the doorway. Her boyfriend came up behind her and slid his arms underneath hers to embrace her. As he pulled her close, his hands went from her sides to her stomach, where they came to rest just underneath her belly button and ended by patting her nonexistent belly.
I looked down as quickly as I could, not wanting her to know that I had witnessed what had happened. She quickly broke free from his embrace, pushing his arms away from her.
I then understood the coolness in her mannerisms, the hardness and strength I felt of the wall surrounding her. I had mistaken the lack of emotion I was getting from her to be a general sense of indifference. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. She was scared.
Scared to tell her brother. Scared of where this path would lead her. Scared that she had no control over the events that were to unfold in her life.
I wanted so to reach out to her but at that moment I knew that her privacy and sense of control over what was happening to her were far more beneficial than any solace I could offer. So, I bit my tongue. Not even to her brother did I mutter a word. She would tell him when she was ready. It wasn't my place, anyways.
Our trip was uneventful, save the revelation I made on the living room floor. A few weeks past and she called to tell us that she was, indeed going to grace us with a beautiful niece or nephew. I feigned surprise and wondered if she knew I had seen the all telling embrace. I never asked.
We have only seen each other a few times since then as far too many years have slipped by. The lack of communication is my fault. She has always been great about sending pictures, cards and letters. A concept that I have yet to grasp.
I think of her daily, as the faces of my beautiful nieces and nephew greet me from the refrigerator door. I wonder if one day they will know all their mommy has gone through in her life and just how strong of a person she really is. I hope that they one day see the gravity of the decisions that she has faced and risen to the challenge of each of them with determination and might.
More so than her children, I hope that she realizes the strengths that she possesses. I hope that she sees how very beautiful she is. I hope she knows her worth and that even though we don't talk NEARLY enough I value her as a friend. Lastly I hope that, no matter the consequences, she goes after what truly makes her happy.
Go for it, you deserve it.

until next time.....
be kind,
me